No Longer A Dead Woman Walking – Part II

"Who Is She Now..."

"No Longer A Dead Woman Walking!"

Part II

Now

Peace and Respect To All!

I wrote "No Longer A Dead Woman Walking!" a five years ago, while I was on a quest for the truth, and the reality into who I was as a woman. During that time, I was in the progress of healing all my broken parts. Working hard to recovery and somehow get over the lost of my one and only son; along with the painful death of a very abusive marriage.

I did not do a rewrite to "No Longer A Dead Woman Walking!" Mainly because that was and still is the truth, taken right out of my life, and no stunt doubles are used in the making of my life. It merely, is what it is. You can stop reading the excerpts from "My Book" I call "Life" but as for me; I will carry on until the end. [Big Smile]

And to rewrite who I am because I have evolved past that event; would be like what we see on the nightly news, pretty package with a lot of fluff but no real substance. Besides all that, I am humbled and proud of the fact that I have developed and changed. My insight and respect for life and others has blossomed tenfold.

I still have not figured out how not to miss my son, in fact I can hear him laughing in my head. The joy it brings me today is bittersweet. I find myself not withdrawing from life like I use to, when I would encounter a young man in a red fitted who favors my son. I pause to call out his name; only for it to be some other Mahmi's beautiful baby boy. I no longer find myself crying or tears stinging the back of my eyes. When it happens now; I smile and remember him and say "I see you watching me and blow him a kiss."

As I sit here now reflecting on the fact I have been blessed beyond measure. With all the things that were lost and taken from me, some events and chapters knocked me down. And for a while there were years, I stumbled hard through life. But today; I can be a living witness to this statement;

"I would not change one second of my life, I am still standing and God is Good!"

Yep I can say that, knowing there would be severer abuse in my life and I would still lose Georgie, not because I am a lady who is heartless and not because I didn't love my child. (Georgie was murdered and I am not saying it for you to pity and feel sorry for me. It said to show you that life will continue and if you allow your soul to heal it will)

But if I change any part of my life I would not be "the life form" I am now. I would not be a compassionate person; I would not live life to the fullest; or live up to the best of my ability. And God forbid what if I had learned to harden my heart towards God and never sought to be closer to him. All the events of my life positive and negative make Samantha, Me!

I have pondered it, and found I cannot change any part of my life, and yep there are days I regret, retreat, and moments I wish I could go back in time. But with all of that being said Today:

I have a peace;

I cannot explain…

I have a love for myself;

I cannot explain…

I have a love for everything around me…

Yo!

To lose that would be a fate worse than death!

and to me I would plunge back into darkness…

I would go back to be being;

a dead woman walking!

No thank you!

So I will keep all that I have gained;

from the real life lessons, then to adjust one single thing!

That is why I can stand and say

I wouldn't change a second of "My Life"

I am indeed still standing

&

God is Good!"

My knowledge, understanding, overstanding and wisdom in the "Most High God" has not faded in my quest for the truth about who "God" is…

And without knowing it; somehow my quest for who "God" is has lead me to the importance of "knowledge of self" and having balance within my being. By seeking God my growth is twenty billion times better. Wow at the lady that is me that I fall in love with daily, the whole entire investigation blows me away.

I never dreamed the more I learned about "God" the closer I get to the woman I become day after day. the stronger my vibration gets, the more people I touch who touch me back, Wow I am connected to all things and all things are connected to me…

Did you know you are suppose to grow and learn daily and even change, did you know that your balance and peace increase in a way; that would take me ten thousand lifetimes to explain the how and why!

And with all that I have learned and obtained. I have learned; "I know nothing at all and there is still so much more to learn." (I do also realize that statement will go over some of yawls head, and as I smile at this line, that too is cool with me.)

This mouse has finally become the Lion she was always meant to be and my voice, and right to be heard, my pen is indeed mighty!

Quite frankly my studies have taken me beyond anything;

• a Church,
  

• a Temple,
  

• a Masque,
  

• a Synagogue,
  

• or a School could teach.
  

So I no longer have to be caught up in inconsequential things like;

• What is the name of your God?
  
  
• Do you know the real name of my God?
  
  
• Did you know Massa stole your God and gave you false God?
  
  
• If you were born in another land; would you be of the same faith you are now?
  

• What would you do if it was forbidden to practice your faith, if you were no longer the religious affiliation of choice?
  

• Would you be so quick to judge others if you were in a land where no one respected your religious choice?
  

• Why would God be born from inside of woman, cuz this or that is nasty?
  
  
• Jesus was not born in December or did you know Jesus was black!
  
  
• And other petty fights like; "My God will kick your God Behind!"
  

Not one of these fights bring you closer to enlightenment and none of these fights will have God patting you on the back sayin' "Yo Dude you had them on the ropes with that one… High five!"

But yet people do it all over the world, from all walks of life, from all different faiths, have you ever wondered why?

See in my head and from all the things I have observed in my lifetime. The majority Humans are full of themselves and mad arrogant about any given subject including the one I am writing to you all about now.

These humans you can't teach or share with them anything at all. And they refuse to do anymore than, what they are doing right now. If it means they must change to do it. They will give you ever excuse in the world for why they must stay the same and argue you down if suggest they need to be open to other possibilities about God and the teachings the ancestors left behind for us to consider and ponder...

They will jump on their soap box and be like my Pastor this, my Rabbi that, my Imam said the other. My teacher said this, my Ezra said thus and so. and my group leader said the yawl teachings is wack. Blah, Blah; Blah!

These humans will speak on the things they were taught as if there is no other explanation or instruction, and if you dare say anything other than what was taught or what they memorized, all man what you want to do that for; there will be hell to pay! And off with your head!

They are so deep with their propaganda and rhetoric; they have closed their ears and heart and eyes to what is being said. They even forgot what it was, that you asked them to consider. They are clouded by judgments, spoon feed ideals and far too lazy to learn the truth. not some humans all humans.

SMDH!

Either now or later, at one time or another we all have been guilty of what I just mention. I believe folks go extra hard for God, cuz they know they are not living the life they, want to fight and kill you over. So then you know they are not living the life they preach about because why must you need to kill someone else's belief system.

I am sure there are arguments for why you must, and blah, blah, blah! But just because you can do something does it mean you should do that thing. (Can you control your need to control others?)

Why say or act like "I am an individual with my own thoughts and ideas" and then spend the better part of your life trying to ram your thoughts and opinions down another person throat. To the point people right now there are men and women marching into someone else's homeland getting ready to kill and destroy.

And they will all brag and say, I am doing in Gods & Allah name; or I am doing it for their own good. I know what is best for everyone. "King Me or I Win!" as if life is nothing more than a game of Checkers…

And if you do nothing to stop it, if you see this kind of religious persecution happen, because you were born in the land where the majority of the people are this or that faith. And do nothing…

Do you think your God will be pleased with you cuz your the biggest bully on the block?

Today I understand the reason behind Atheist and Agnostic and have love and respect for the doubt and questions they have. Real talk it is not my job to convince anyone of anything. And I will tell you a small secret. "No one can teach you something you do not know already."

While that statement sinks into your brain housing group either now or later; a light bulb will go off in your head when you ponder that secret. If it does not for a small fee I might tell you. (Smiles)

"Today I Know Who I Serve! And I Respect All Paths To God!"

(Big Ole Kool-Aid Smile)

I think God has blessed me with a spiritual growth that blows my mind, when I began to seek his essence. Me and the Bestie (aka Best Friend) laugh at all the names and words we try to come up with that sound better than "God is Good" for we have yet to find a word that is the best word to describe God, like I need a word better than

• Awesome!
  
• Outstanding!
  
• Amazing!
  
• And just good old fashion Good!
  

I wonder how many ancestors before Him and I tried to do the same thing.

I can break bread with people from all walks of life, different faiths, with joy in my heart, because well I have no affiliation to a group or organization, I am not lost in rituals or what name you should pray in and if you call him/her; Allah; or God; or Jehovah; or Elohim, or The All. I also have respect for people who gave the attributes of God names and titles and refer to them as Gods or Goddess.

See I am a part of the human race and within the human race are many lands, languages and different dialects, so there will always be another name for "The Most High God," and there will always be other thoughts about "God" there will always be two best friends trying to find a word that embodies all of the attributes of God!

So I learned God is beyond awesome and outstanding! And far beyond; a name, a faith, a religion, a group or an organization. So for me it is crazy to think there is just one path that leads to God. I could break it down the reason, but then it would turn into a debate like; "My God will slap the taste out of your God's mouth" and really there is no need… Back in the day, wow I was ready to battle you a freestyle rip on why your faith and belief is wrong!

Question are you in your faith because your mom and granny's granny was and or is this is the way it was always done, or have you evolved, I would love to know… so send me a note if you dare, or hit me on the hip… I love learning…

Yet from my smile and the deeds, and how my life is today; you got to know she being me; is down with Jah; Allah; Elohim; Yahweh; God, Goddess; Jehovah; Shangdi; Him; Her, The All…

Do you not; see me vibin' with "As above so shall it be below;" walking around cloud 9; And my bow tie is straight; My drums and my words are in tune, my walk is the beat of that different drummer…

I am not a slave in bondage with my choices of what freedom is to me. I live and the ancestors live within me. Because they gave their lives so that I might be the lady who words you get to read. When they were put to death for the thoughts I now speak so freely of today. For their sacrifices have not gone unnoticed by me. that I might be the best me that I can be.

I live; because someone prayed before I was born; that I would come and be the voice they could not be, I am because they were; because he that said let there be light and saw that the light was good; so I am here and it is good…

And when he calls for me to return home; my words will be here for the energies and blessings yet to be born; and I pray for them just like the ancestors prayed for me…

I say Ase and Respect to the ancestors; I say Ase and Respect to God; who first loved me…

So the Saga continues…

Stand by and move out the way; Cuz I be she who is;

No Longer A Dead Woman Walking!

Peace
Sammi

After Thoughts To The Reader:

I guess this is my simple, and not so simple way of saying if you have been in your faith or religion for longer than 10years and you still only learning salvation or still have not read another scared text or read all of the book you claim you believe, then what is it that you really believe, and know…

Do you really know God, and yourself? Have you been to the place in your mind or heart; most are afraid to look, have you confronted that side of you that you think no one else's sees or that you are afraid to speak on?

Have you allowed the broken parts of you to heal, have you allowed yourself to forgive "You?" [I am not talking about the forgiveness of others] I am speaking; on have you just decided to heal and forgive your own past mistakes?

Don't take the questions I pose to you lightly and I do not need to know what your answers are. If you are hurting, is your secret place; that you do not revel to others; is raw and painful there.

Have you forgive yourself, if not why not?

Are you better than God?

Peep game God forgives so why are you still punishing yourself?

When will you allow yourself to love all of you? And no matter how bad you think things are. There is story; there are folks who story is worst. This is not mean to make your real pain seem trivial, it is just meant for you to see, you are not alone in your struggles…

Then I am asking you now; to take the time to heal it, it will not be easy, and tears and snot might come forth, but it can and must be done; if you are to become a whole and complete person.

Do not allow past monsters from life, destroy your present and future by not facing what is hurting your life. If you confront your fear, your life will change. It happen to me when I made up my mind to no longer be a dead woman walking!

Disclaimer:

I tried to find all the names for God, there were to many to list in this piece of work. "Oh my goodness at all the names I found I challenge you to look and see what you come up with!"

I also respect and over-stand God means different things to everyone, so I did not list the names as what is the best name for God. I also did not list the names in any particular order; no one name is greater than or less than the other. Honestly I do not think anyone can define God or place him in a box or book and say God this is all you can be to everyone!

Feel to put the name you gave God, if you wish me to know more about your studies and culture please feel free to share your thoughts with me, I truly love learning and enjoy seeing life through another person's story or truth…

Shalom

Floetic

Feel Free To Read:

"No Longer A Dead Woman Walking!"

Part I

Then

Take A Peek Into My Past

Written By: SCW a.k.a. SeXi Floetic One

Inspired By: God About My Growth In Life Today

On March 03, 2010 @ 10:55 p.m.

© 2005-2010 SCW. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without written and explicit authorized permission.